The Roller Skate

Although the first recorded use of roller skates was in 1743, the inventor remains a mystery. Those skates were in-line skates similar to the Rollerblades we know today. It wasn't until James Plimpton in 1863 decided to create the classic "quad" roller skate with 2 pairs of wheels set side by side to give more traction and control to the skate.

To James Plimpton I say: "Thank you!" Thank you James Plimpton for creating an invention that has served no benefit to mankind aside from broken ankles and the crap movie "Roll-Bounce." Thank you James Plimpton for causing me so much pain and making me look like an idiot in front of hundreds of black people and Michelle Trachtenberg. In the middle of the Civil War, wasn't there anything better to do than think of a way to improve roller-skates? Couldn't you have, I don't know, dedicated your time to fighting slavery?

Happy B-Day Helen!